


I'll Be By Your Side On The Way

by yellow_craion



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Crying, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Holding Hands, Hugs, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2019-10-02
Packaged: 2020-11-15 12:21:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20866142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yellow_craion/pseuds/yellow_craion
Summary: Magnus sits at Alec's bedside





	I'll Be By Your Side On The Way

**Author's Note:**

> for whumptober 2019 prompt day 1 - shaky hands
> 
> inspired long ago by a scene in the Fosters last seasons when I pictured Magnus watching over dying Alec, now I got an excuse to write it
> 
> includes a mention of their two sons - but I didn't name them, you can picture Max and Rafael like I did, or not, I left it vague bc that's not the point of the fic

Magnus is sitting in the chair next to the bed, their bed; in the bedroom they've shared for decades. Streaks of early morning light are coming through the curtains, and cast the room in a warm glow. He used to love mornings like this.

He’s holding Alec’s hand in his, folded in his lap, smoothing over the skin, gently, in a familiar gesture. He's been doing that so long now, he isn't even aware of doing it anymore. It's just his fingers moving, automatically, like his heart is beating; without his say.

It’s quiet.

He's holding his breath, waiting, listening - hoping that if he stays perfectly still long enough, he will hear the soft sound of Alec's breath one more time.

A shuddering gasp escapes him, and there’s air in his lungs again.

Only in his.

He's staring at Alec's face, so peaceful, and at his chest. Unmoving. No matter how long he holds his own breath, Magnus will not get Alec to breathe anymore.

The realization makes his eyes sting, and he squeezes the hand. His own hands start to shake.

He should...

He should call out.

They’re out in the living room. They left to give Magnus some privacy with his husband but now that Alec is... 

He should call them in.

But he can't get his voice to cooperate. He opens his mouth to call out a name but it feels wrong to disturb the silence. The stillness of the bedroom is growing heavy around him and Magnus can't bring himself to break it.

So he stays put. One more moment. Just holding Alec’s hand, hoping the stillness of it will make his own hands still, will make his heart hurt less in his chest.

It doesn't.

Magnus folds into himself. His shoulders shake with suppressed sobs and he covers his mouth with one hand to stifle the noise; still clutching Alec’s hand with the other one desperately.

He presses his lips to the back of Alec's hand and kisses it one last time, before softly putting it on top of the sheets. Even the sound of fabric under his touch is too loud for him and he squeezes his eyes shut against the tears.

"Alec," he sobs out, his trembling hands shoot to his face, but it's too late. There’s no stifling that. No more quiet, just the pounding echo in his ears as he's crying his eyes out, accompanied by his gasping sobs.

Magnus thinks he's taking too long, and not long enough at the same time.

He isn't the only one to grieve Alec, and they deserve to know but it feels like a betrayal to leave the bedroom so soon.

Then again, it feels like a betrayal to keep it to himself. He can’t be selfish. So he wipes his face with the back of his hand, smearing his ruined mascara on his fingers, but ignores it.

He stands up, and with a final look to his husband, goes to open the door. His legs are stiff, his hands are shaking at his sides, and the tightness in his chest makes it hard to breathe, yet somehow he makes it and turns the doorknob, barely stepping out.

He finds their sons huddled in the sofa, with eyes already just as wet as his.

His. His sons. There’s no more 'their'.

He shudders at that thought, grabbing onto the door frame for support, hating that idea.

"Papa?"

"Is...?"

It's obvious from his posture and the way his face must look like; which only makes their faces crumple anew. Without any more words, they get up and envelop him in a three way hug.

They still have each other, and the memories to cherish. He will make sure it's enough.

  
  



End file.
